


Do you trust me?

by bluesey182



Category: The Folk of the Air - Holly Black
Genre: F/M, she be dealing with her trauma from the undersea
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-06
Updated: 2019-07-06
Packaged: 2020-06-23 12:15:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,492
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19701175
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bluesey182/pseuds/bluesey182
Summary: cardan helps jude deal with her trauma from the undersea. post twk and sort of in the future. bath time shenanigans ;)





	Do you trust me?

Jude was afraid.

She still had nightmares--months later--of the constant chill of the undersea. Of Balekin's cruel promises to do wicked things to her while she was under his enchantment, and Orlagh's chilling laughter that cut to her bones. She still woke up feeling alone, feeling trapped, feeling afraid, before she came back to herself and remembered she _had_ escaped.

Cardan didn't know about the nightmares. He didn't know that in the mortal world she had to shower instead of bathe because she found out the hard way that she couldn't sit in the tub. She remembered not being able to breathe, being so beside herself that she couldn't move even when a blood vessel broke and her nose started gushing blood into the water. Vivienne had to drag her shock-frozen body out of the bath and, after wrapping a towel around Jude, she held on to her younger sister while she sobbed on the floor.

Cardan didn't know that ever since she returned to elfhame, several months past, Jude still could not sit in the bathtub. She washed by pouring buckets of water on herself. As long as she wasn't submerged, she was fine. She was fine. She was fine. Except she wasn't.

And she was tired of being afraid.

She stood staring at the tub full of water, her hair pulled up (because no _way_ she was putting her head underwater yet), trembling as if she stood naked in a cold room instead of still fully clothed in a room full of steam.

She just had to sit in there for a few minutes. She had to prove to herself that she could overcome this fear, that she was okay. She was okay. She needed to be okay.

A surge of frustration pulled her down as tears came to her eyes and she gripped onto her hair with painful force. After everything she'd been through she was being defeated by a fucking bathtub. She had been exiled after being made queen, but now more than ever she really did feel like the queen of nothing. She was nothing. She was afraid.

As if sensing something was wrong there came a soft knock on the door.

"Jude?" Cardan asked through the closed door. "Are you okay?"

 _I'm fine._ she wanted to say. _Go away!_ she wanted to scream. But she couldn't find enough air to drag out the words. She was crumbling.

The door cracked open. She balled her hands into fists, feeling hopeless and worthless and like she wanted to scream until her throat was raw, and still she could not speak. Even as Cardan leaned into the doorway, even as his eyes widened at the look on her face, even as he came over to her and cupped her face in his palms.

"Jude? Jude, what is it?" The concern on his face, in his voice, finally undid her. The tension left her body and she felt herself falling, falling, falling, before Cardan caught her and led her to the chair by the vanity. She more crumbled than sat down into the chair, still wheezing in breaths, and Cardan kneeled before her. He ran his hands down her arms, cupped her face, took both her hands in his and kissed each knuckle. Waiting for her to speak.

After she caught her breath and her tears slowed, he broke the silence. "Talk to me," he said ever so gently.

She took a deep breath and trembled beneath his gaze.

 _No more lies,_ she had promised him.

"I-" her voice broke. Another deep breath in. "I'm afraid to be in the water."

Cardan's brows crinkled. He held her hands a little tighter.

"I'm afraid," she continued with a trembling voice, "of being in the water and finding out I'm still in the undersea and that everything since I got free was just a dream." The confession made her feel empty. She hated how weak she felt. "I've been bathing by pouring water on myself, never sitting in the bath. I'm afraid to sit in there."

Cardan looked over his shoulder at the tub filled with water before turning back to her. Part of her expected him to laugh at her and taunt her for how foolish she was. But that was the Cardan from _before_. Instead he only said, "Then don't."

"You don't understand," she was shaking again, her voice rising with every word, "I don't want to be afraid anymore. I can't be afraid anymore. I have to get passed this, Cardan! I have to--"

"Okay okay okay," he said gently, stroking her arms, cupping her face again. "Okay." She felt the tears building in her throat again as he looked at her from his position on the floor with a thoughtful expression. She was suddenly very tired--exhausted down to her core. She wanted to lay down on the ground and sleep. She wanted to scream in frustration. She wanted to be held. She wanted to push Cardan away from her. But before she could decide which impulse sounded more appealing, Cardan finally spoke.

"I have an idea. Do you trust me?"

"I don't know, should I?" she meant the response to be a joke but her voice still shook, making it sound more serious than she meant it. Still, Cardan gave her a small smile and helped her to her feet.

"Try to," he whispered, "just for a minute."

He looked at her expectantly. What was he waiting for? A confirmation? Feeling a little lost, Jude slowly nodded her head. This seemed to be enough for Cardan because he smiled again and reached for her dress. He slid the straps from her shoulders ever so slowly and gave the fabric a little push before he let it pool on to the floor.

"What--" Jude started. But then Cardan began to undress.

For just a moment Jude almost forgot her fear. Almost.

And then Cardan stepped into the bath.

Her heart started racing again as he reached out for her hands, gently led her closer until she was standing on the other side of the tub from him. She wanted to pull back and run but she was frozen. So frozen.

"It's okay," Cardan said soothingly. "Just sit down on the edge of the tub, don't worry about getting in."

She sank to the edge of the bathtub. He sank to his knees in the water.

"Now," he said loudly, startling her, "whenever you're ready, put your feet in." Without another word he sank the rest of the way into the tub, lounging back against the edges and spreading out his limbs. He gave her a slight, taunting smile that made her want to hit him.

God she hated him.

They sat like that for several minutes. Jude tensed on the edge and Cardan humming to himself and splashing the water like a child. It was grating on Jude's nerves. Finally, just to see if it'd shut him up, Jude put her first foot into the water.

Despite the warmth of it, she felt ice spread through her veins. Before she could panic-- pull back, do anything--Cardan's hand was on her calf. A gentle, present reminder that he was there. He wasn't holding her in place but she was frozen nonetheless.

"It's okay," he whispered. She put another foot into the tub and felt the room spin beneath her. "It's okay," Cardan said again. "You're safe, Jude."

But she couldn't move. Instead she sat there with her feet in the water while Cardan ran his fingers along her legs, quietly telling her that she was safe and it was okay and he was right here he was right here he was right here.

She worked up the courage to kneel into the water--and found she couldn't breathe, she was drowning, she was drowning, she was--

"It's okay, Jude." Cardan sat up more in the water and grabbed for her hands while she hyperventilated. "Do you want to get out?"

She shook her head. She could do this. She had to do this.

She sat down, feeling the water rise up to her chest. Her chest that felt too tight, that felt too cold, that pounded as her heart beat out the rhythm of her fear. She closed her eyes tight trying to remember how to breath and trying to listen to Cardan as he spoke softly and held her hands and leaned forward to kiss her forehead.

Slowly, so slowly, she began to relax. She opened her eyes to find those dark ones she loved so much looking back at her. In them she found concern and love and… safety.

She was safe.

Turning around so her back was to him, she leaned back into his chest. His arms went around her, holding her gently in place. And as he softly kissed her neck, the rest of the tension left her body.

She was safe. 

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you enjoyed this! I also posted it on tumblr, my blog is @bluesey-182 if you're interested in any future writing I do. thank you for reading my fic 💙


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